License Agreement of my Astronomical Photo-CD for United States Residents




It is well known that in the USA there are special legal conditions for guarantee concerning commercial products. There was for example some years ago an old lady who usually washed her cat and dried her in her oven. Then she felt the strong feeling in her mind to save energy. So she bought a microvave oven and dried her cat in it. Unfortunately the cat did not survive this. The microvave oven company was condemned to pay $1,000,000 (1 Million Dollars) or so (I don't know it exactly) as compensation for the dead cat. Since then every microvave oven has the remark "It is not allowed to put pets in this microvave."
Then I read or heard or I dreamt it some day - I don't know any more how exactly, that a man bought a ladder to pick cherries from his tree. Unfortunately the branch of the tree broke, the man crashed down and his right leg was broken. He got a compensation of $10,000,000 (10 Million Dollars). So the ladder company had to write in the ladder using instruction manual that the owner of the ladder had not the right to pick cherries with the ladder.
And then I heard or I read or I dreamt or the ex-girl-friend of my best friend dreamt it, I really don't know it exactly, that the same man when he was healthy again 1 year later, he bought the new ladder with the warning in the instruction manual and wanted to pick apples. But unfortunately he put the ladder on a molehill (if there are German readers, I translate this: "Maulwurfshaufen"). So the ladder with the man crashed down again and his left leg was broken. He got $100,000,000 (100 Million Dollars). Additionnally the ladder company had to pay the United States Molehill Restauration Organization 100,000 Dollars (click here for donations, you will be charged with $1000 per click). This was too much for the company and it was bankrupt.
Because I want to avoid this fate please consider the following license agreement:
If you want to use my Photo-CD you are only allowed to put it in the CD-Rom drive of your Computer and to use it normally.
You have to accept following conditions when buying the CD:
1.: You can only put one CD in the CD drive, not more.
2.: The CD is not appropriate for 3,5", ZIP, USB or other drives.
3.: You must not play fresbee with the CD. If you play boomerang - it won't come back (I tried it).
4.: You must not put the CD in your toilet - permanent blockage may result.
5.: You must not use the CD as sun protection, e.g. during solar eclipses - permanent blindness may result.
6.: You must not use the CD as earring. Permanent enlargement of your ears may result.
7.: You must not eat the CD. Keep it away from children and pets.
8.: You must not kill other Americans with the CD, especially not in states with death penalty.
9.: You must not torture with the CD, especially not in Iraq and in Cuba. If you do, you must not film it. If you film it although this is strictly forbidden you must prevent that one can see on the film that on the CD is written my name (Martin Wagner) and my homepage ( If you do not prevent this, I will persecute this with all legal means of national and international law.
10.: The CD is no preservative and useless for contraception. It is no protection against AIDS, syphilis, chancre, and other sexual diseases.


There is only one thing I guarantee for: When I produced the CD on my own computer the screen did not crash and the hard disk did not explode.


Martin W. Agner, Resident of the Federal Republic of Germany


If you did not realize it so far: 

This license agreement is a joke and has no juristical relevance!


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