- It is well known that in the USA there are special legal conditions for
guarantee concerning commercial products. There
was for example some years ago an old lady who usually washed her cat
and dried her in her oven. Then she felt the strong feeling in her
mind to save energy. So she bought a microvave oven and dried her cat
in it. Unfortunately the cat did not survive this. The microvave oven
company was condemned to pay $1,000,000 (1 Million Dollars) or so (I
don't know it exactly) as compensation for the dead cat. Since then
every microvave oven has the remark "It is not allowed to put
pets in this microvave."
- Then I read or heard or I dreamt it some day - I
don't know any more how exactly, that a man bought a ladder to pick
cherries from his tree. Unfortunately the branch of the tree broke, the
man crashed down and his right leg was broken. He got a
compensation of $10,000,000 (10 Million Dollars). So the ladder
company had to write in the ladder using instruction manual that the owner of
the ladder had not the right to pick cherries with the ladder.
- And then I heard or I read or I dreamt or the
ex-girl-friend of my best friend dreamt it, I really don't know it
exactly, that the same man when he was healthy again 1 year later, he
bought the new ladder with the warning in the instruction manual and
wanted to pick apples. But unfortunately he put the ladder on a
molehill (if there are German readers, I translate this:
"Maulwurfshaufen"). So the ladder with the man crashed down
again and his left leg was broken. He got $100,000,000 (100 Million
Dollars). Additionnally the ladder company had to pay the United
States Molehill Restauration Organization 100,000 Dollars (click here
for donations, you will be charged with $1000 per click). This was too much
for the company and it was bankrupt.
- Because I want to avoid this fate please consider
the following license agreement:
- If you want to use my Photo-CD you are only
allowed to put it in the CD-Rom drive of your Computer and to use it
- You have to accept following conditions when
buying the CD:
- 1.: You can only put one CD in the CD drive, not
- 2.: The CD is not appropriate for 3,5", ZIP,
USB or other drives.
- 3.: You must not play fresbee with the CD. If you
play boomerang - it won't come back (I tried it).
- 4.: You must not put the CD in your toilet -
permanent blockage may result.
- 5.: You must not use the CD as sun protection, e.g.
during solar eclipses - permanent blindness may result.
- 6.: You must not use the CD as earring. Permanent
enlargement of your ears may result.
- 7.: You must not eat the CD. Keep it away from
children and pets.
- 8.: You must not kill other Americans with the CD,
especially not in states with death penalty.
- 9.: You must not torture with the CD, especially
not in Iraq and in Cuba. If you do, you must not film it. If you film
it although this is strictly forbidden
you must prevent that one can see on the film that on the CD is
written my name (Martin Wagner) and my homepage (www.martin-wagner.org).
If you do not prevent this, I will persecute this with all legal means
of national and international law.
- 10.: The CD is no preservative and useless for
contraception. It is no protection against AIDS, syphilis, chancre,
and other sexual diseases.
- There is only one thing I guarantee for: When I
produced the CD on my own computer the screen did not crash and the
hard disk did not explode.
- Martin W. Agner, Resident of the Federal Republic
If you did not realize it
This license agreement is
a joke and has no juristical relevance!